Wednesday, February 28, 2007
All at once.
Don't like chaos. Don't like disruption. Don't like uncertainties.
Too many happenings make me want to run away from it all. Shrink. Hide.
Got to push harder.
Move on. Forward. Ahead.
Have to. Else be a laggard.
Cannot be a laggard. Society hates laggards.
Shame, shame. You cannot catch up.
Sorry. We're on air already huh?
Incoherent mambo jambo.
Something's in the air. Or in the waters. Or *gasp* in my fucking head! Whichever. Whatever. Point is, things don't seem quite right.
Aimless, directionless work. Boring office. Sluggish performance. Can't be bothered. Who cares. Let's just idle our time away. Could be post-holiday blues. Could, I say. Fire dying off? Perhaps. Time for a change? Maybe. Utter laziness? That too.
So maybe I actually suck. I can't even find the beginning, middle and end to Toilet Talk
. Like hello? Even little kids know that once upon a time happens, then only they live happily ever after. Progression. From beginning to the end. Mine are just chunks, like excerpts. Stand alone excerpts which I've forced together to make it appear like an entire plot. But it's fucking vague.
On a brighter note. Finally. I'm thrilled to be performing my own work. If I ever get the words out onto paper first that is. I get to remove my panties on stage, and also take a dump with a ciagarette in hand. Woo hoo. I'll have no panties on! And I'm getting screwed! All on stage! Heh.
Less than 2 months away to show day. Super stressed can? I quite fancy this other 'auntie' role in the other piece too. I'm a stage auntie. I always get auntie parts. Maybe cos I fucking look the part? HAHA.
Head's a mess. Heart's a mess.
I wonder what will happen if my head and heart switched roles for a day? Hmmm.
Posted by Doreen at 12:08 pm
Monday, February 26, 2007
“Do you think we would have gone out if I stayed back?”
I was dumbfounded.
I stared into my cup of iced caramel macchiato, in hopes of finding the answer floating therein. “I don’t know…” and my voice trailed off because my throat was rather dry by now. I shifted my focus to the slice of strawberry cheesecake and noticed the layer of gelatine which made the slice of cake look so much more appetizing.
In the months after our episode years ago, I asked myself that question countless of times, fervently wishing that I had the answer. Instead, down the road, he turns around and asked me that very question.
In the moments that followed, a million thoughts ran through my head.
We met years ago. But you decided to leave. You – packed your bags and left. And there I was, left on my own, to accept reality and the fact that.. that you’ve gone. It was harsh and brutal actually. It took me a while to recover, and when I did, I guess I recovered pretty well and was soon back up on my own two feet.
What gives you the right to just stroll in and out of my life the way you do, and the nerve of you asking a question like that! I thought we had something happening, but heck I could be wrong right? Based on my presumption that we had something going for us, I wanted to desperately make it work, but before anything could happen, you left.
Once in a while, I’d get a random call from you asking me about life, and how I was doing. We started seeing other people, and we played our parts well don’t you think?
Then I get an email saying that you’d be in town for a few days. In the days leading up to our meeting, I wondered if you were still the same. Is your smile still as bright? Are you still able to make me laugh? Will I still get goosebumps if our hands touched? Do you still talk in such a way that makes me stare at your face and wish time will stop? Will I still have the urge to tear your clothes apart?
Less than 30 minutes into our first meeting after these years, I concluded my answer with a resounding yes to all of the above questions. Do you know how scared I was that I still found you so attractive? I thought it had been a long time. Don’t you change? Why didn’t you become uglier? Or fatter? Or not so funny? Or lost your mental and intellectual sanity that I just find you a plain bore?
“Is there a point to it now? It’s years ago, the moment has passed, so I don’t think there is a need for these kinda what-ifs questions,” I said as a matter of factly.
“You’re right. Though I think maybe we would have,” he said, and shot me a smile that made my heart skipped a beat.
I smiled too, just because.
Posted by Doreen at 1:30 pm
Not too late still to wish you a Happy Chinese New Year!
In this Year of the Boar (or Pig), here's wishing you a a year of fat bank accounts, an oinkful of laughter and all round jolly good health!
Work schedules are now back to normal... so I presume blogging will too :)
Posted by Doreen at 11:41 am
Thursday, February 15, 2007
The alarm sprang to life and as though mechanically programmed, my arm flew over to the bedside chest. I tapped on the snooze button with my eyes still closed, and I fell back into slumber. After three snoozes or so, I turned the alarm off. Time to get up, sleepyhead! Still lying on my stomach in the midst of coaxing myself out the bed, I felt it. The wet between my legs, the first sliver of it, seeping out silently.
I continued laying there motionless. The bathroom light was on and I hear him brushing his teeth. He’s almost done, I thought. I really should get up now.
I was also still aware of the wet down there but didn’t exactly think about what it could be. I didn’t like waking up to such dampness though, loving the dryness of that just-out-of-bed-feeling; skin smooth, hair tangled but soft, limbs weak.
Clambered off the bed, eventually. Lifted my slip slightly, pulled the elastic band of my white cotton underwear and peered inside. Fuck me.
I thought about my day ahead – lugging my bags to the Puduraya bus terminal, the throng of festive season commuters, the 300 plus kilometers ride down south, the stinking hot weather. Chinese New Year, here I come.
“Are you done? I need to use the bathroom. Quiiiiick.”
“Quick leh, I really need to use it now.”
Hot steam tinged with the clean crisp scent of Dettol bar soap greeted me as he opened the door. He looked sexy – towel low around his waist, little droplets of water on the tips of his hair, fresh faced, and smelling so damn fine!
Again. I felt another sliver of wetness and shooed him out of the bathroom in haste.
As usual, I didn’t take too long in the bathroom. He was getting dressed for work when I emerged again, donning on his usual pair of grey pants.
“What’s that?” he asked.
I turned around to see him scratching at something on the blue sheets. A red dot was visible, about the size of a five cent coin.
“That is a little something for you before I go back to JB – Happy Valentine’s Day babe!”
How was your Valentine’s Day?
Posted by Doreen at 10:44 am
Monday, February 12, 2007
It was a Saturday night. I looked my mobile phone and saw the time - 00:00. The games at St. James' Park and Old Trafford would have kicked-off already. The dimly lit Honda showroom was filled with drunks and a handful of people were dancing like maniacs, and I was just sitting, stoning, waiting to be given permission to leave. The dancefloor has opened and surely they don't need an MC around anymore right?
I eyed a tall, lanky bloke with a trucker cap on. He had on a pair of raver's shades and his body was moving rhythmically to a song that was being played. Poser, I thought to myself. He was dancing with a pretty looking thing in a blue off-the-shoulder blouse. Her white skin tight pants revealed a trace of g-string beneath it. Poser raised his right hand and placed it on skin tight pants' waist, only to have her brush him off and then turn around to dance with someone else. Poser wandered off. I turned to the bosses with a "Can-I-go-home" look only to be ignored.
I grabbed my pack of Lights and made my way to the back entrance to have a cigarette. I lit one and called the man.
"Bellamy scored the opener already..." said he excitedly.
"Damn fast lah you all.."
"Yeah! What time shall I come pick you up?"
"Not sure lah, I'll call you again..."
Poser appeared out of no where and offered me a can of beer. "No thanks - working," I said without even looking at him and continued smoking. A few others joined us.
"Let's take a picture!" one of them shouted and I was pushed to the centre of the group, surrounded by a bunch of guys I have no intention of getting to know. Forced a smile and made uninteresting small talk with a few of them thereafter. Poser was stoning by now. One minute he was keeping quiet, and the next, he spewed brown gooey stuff out his mouth.
"OIIIIII!" one of them shouted, disgusted by the fact that a wad of gooey gunk landed on his polished leather shoe. Poser smiled drunkardly, and walked off to a nearby trash bin to empty his guts out. The other men were laughing and mocking Poser. One even used his camera to video Poser making gross throaty sounds with his head over the bin. I put my cigarette out and went back in.
I checked the time again. 12:15. I tried the "Can-I-go-home" look again when I came face-to-face with the boss. Almost as though I was verbalizing my request, he immediately replied with "OK lah, I think you can go home first... I don't think they require an MC anymore since the dancefloor is now open!"
The first half was nearing the end when I got home. J.S. Park scored for MU, and the Magpies have equalised. I munched on a burger daging special with cheese
and tuned in for the first half analysis. The burger was heavenly by the way. All sloppy and juicy. Ramly burgers da bomb!
Liverpool seemed to be defending with all their might at the start of the second half. Switch.
Charlton looked pretty aggresive too. "Eh! Where's the diver?" I asked no one in particular. "On MC I think," said the man. Switch.
Riise made a boo-boo and Solano was awarded a penalty. The Scouse seated next to me had his head between his hands, heh. I remembered "standard Scouser stance"
from one of Keropok's
recent post. Switch.
Shit. We missed the second goal.
"You see laaaaa! Made me miss the second goal! And while watching Liverpool give goals away!"
The rain started coming in, building up its momentum with each minute. The images began getting distorted, and we sat glued to our seats, last 10 minutes or so left, praying, hoping..Switch.
Oh, my bad. No more switch.
It's a blank. Black. Services currently not available it says.
Posted by Doreen at 10:35 am
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Women all over the world should have the freedom to adorn themselves in pretty lingerie. I mean, why do you think beauty is supposed to come from within? It's not the clothes you wear that matters, it's your undergarments! Heh.
I love pretty underwear, racy slips and irresistable nightwear! Needless to say, I am guilty of not wearing pretty underwear everyday. When I'm bloated, a granny-undie helps camouflage the flab. When I have not done my laundry for a while, granny-undies come out too. Or when it's really hot outside, plain cotton ones works best.
And nightwear is something I am over-the-top crazy about!
I have a range of colourful ultra mini pants to be paired with camisoles. I have them in candy, pastel colours such as pink, yellow and blue. They make me feel young and cute.
Then there are elegant, slightly sexy-ish ones... blacks rules this section in my intimates drawer. I have a few pieces of one-piece slips, some opaque, some translucent, some with lace. They make me feel feminine.
And what would I do without cotton house coats? They are excellent for lazing around the house in without being exposing too much skin. But I hate sleeping in them cos they are thick and bulky.
So yesterday I decided to add another item into the drawer, and opted for something different.
Isn't she gorgeous?
From the moment I tried it on in the fitting room, I knew I had to have it. Maybe I was deceived by the soft lighting in the fitting room and my skin looked pretty and flawless. And also maybe because they used mirrors which made me look slimmer than I actually am. But who cares? I loved it! I don't usually spent RM105 for something I wear to sleep, but because I had a 50% discount card.. it wasn't something I had to think twice.
It's so pretty I kept peering into the paperbag when I was strolling the mall. When I had coffee, I peeped again and caressed the lacy fabric with my fingers. When I got into my car, instead of starting the engine and driving home, I took it out of the paperbag and held it up against the light to study the intricate lacy details. When I got home, the La Senza paperbag was the first I opened. I gently cut off the price tag and tried it on, AGAIN. Hehe.
I haven't worn it yet. To sleep I meant. I wonder if I'll be too excited and to happy and then not being able to sleep in it.
Posted by Doreen at 1:55 pm
Monday, February 05, 2007
I've been seeing red.
A win over Martin Jol's boys was expected right? But 4 goals is indeed nice. Back to the 6 point lead over budak-budak biru!
And trying to get myself into the tong tong chiaaang
mood, red is obviously the way to go.
So pretty right?
Got flower some more!
I know, I'm easily thrilled. Heh.
However, Chinese New Year isn't one of my favourite holidays to begin with. But I love the food, and being able to have time off work to hang out with the parents and sisters. Then again, if it's a holiday - in no way am I complaining. No work! Hoorah.
There are a variety of reasons why I dislike Chinese New Year.
Think Christmas - white winter, beautiful carols, pretty lights everywhere. But think Chinese New Year, and all I hear is bang bang bang, tong tong tong, chiang chiang chiang. Seriously, you call that music ah? And don't you hate those made-in-Malaysia CNY music videos with a bunch of people standing on a bridge next to a lake, overlooking a blossom tree and singing about God of Prosperity's upcoming visit.
And no CNY is complete without a bunch of young children, all heavily made-up and made to sing hideous pop-sized CNY tunes. They are freaking annoying, them squeaky voices and buck-toothed children.
And one director knows that sex sells and that sex is his best weapon and should be incorporated into his artistic directon of a CNY music video - he uses young teenage girls, makes them wear uber short shorts and have them prance around seductively to techno-sized CNY songs. Tong tong chiaaaang... dish dish... tong tong chiaaaang... doosh doosh...
Right. DJ Fono will be proud.
Another thing which I dislike is the fact that firecrackers are banned. Yet on every corner of the street, someone is lighting up and setting someone's house alarm off. And in the papers, people die or get maimed from firecrackers-related accidents. Hehe, don't get me wrong. I love
firecrackers, especially them rocket ones that are shot up into the sky and explode into a hodgepodge of pretty colours. We've not purchased firecrackers for eons, not since we were kids. And I miss fooling around around as a kid, all sweaty and excited, running back and forth lighting crackers.
I dislike it also when people come and tell me "Eii... don't eat so much oranges / dried pork slices / kuaci / cookies, later yit hei
(heaty)". And this, coming from the people who are offering me these delicacies. Like get real? Now you want to let me eat or not? I'm confused.
Anyways, I shouldn't be a CNY scrooge. Let me run along now and try and soak up the merriment the best I can.
Posted by Doreen at 11:46 am
Saturday, February 03, 2007
On campus at a private education institution recently, a pair of siblings recently arrived from an African country and were still finding their way about the campus and getting to know the staff in the student services department...Brother: Yo John, would you like to f*ck my sister huh?
Sister stands next to brother looking nonchalant.John: No, I do NOT want to do that to your sister *stern looking face*
Names have been changed to protect the identities of those concerned.
Posted by Doreen at 2:00 pm