Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Pre-Holiday Worries

The days have been rather good to me. Well, maybe the dude upstairs is himself busy preparing for all the year end festivities and parties.. Well, anyhow, it's all good.

It's time again for all the booze and merry-making.. And time for those avid New Year resolution makers to start coming up with their list, some of which they keep to, and some of which they forgo.

I have not made a resolution in many, many years. As a girl in my younger days, I made them and really did try fulfilling it.. albeit the novelty of it wore off some time in March or April. But this year, turning 24, I'm going to try and set up some goals to achieve. Let's not call it a resolution shall we? Calling it a resolution places more expectation on myself. Let's call it Doreen's Goals of 2005.

Why the sudden need to make goals? In simple terms, I need to straighten my life out a little. I groan in displeasure as I see the HUGE numbers 2 and 4 running towards me. It's scary. We're all getting older. And boy, no insult to any of you older folks out there, but I really do FEEL old. No, I'm not just saying it to make myself sound matured.. But damn, I feel it in my bones, my mind and my body.

At what age do we feel a need to show the world that we've got something to our name? If there is no certain or specific age, what then is the normal age whereby people go through this? I certainly think this age is getting younger and younger as the years go by. Maybe people used to reassess themselves when they are nearing 30. But of course, nowadays, this phenomenon is evident in our younger mid-20s population. Heck, they even have quarter life crisis in today's world!

As I was talking to a friend late last night.. It dawned upon me that hey, my worries as a 20 something year old is nothing compared to what he was going through. OK, maybe we shan't call it worries - how about responsibilities? There, that's a better word.

Of course, my sis told me then, that there ARE people who are caught in situations and circumstances where they aren't really happy about at all, and hey, they can't change no shit. Most of the time, these people try to live with it and take and find joy in other aspects of things.

And no, don't come and tell me that everything is in our hands and that we have the power to change our destinies and direction in our own lives.. cos damn, we don't!

That dude up there really knows how to challenge us huh? It's always about compromising isn't it? We aren't able to have the cake and eat it as well. True, I've heard this umpteen times, but I've always had this "heck care" attitude towards it - but damn, I don't know why this time round, it's affecting me quite a bit.

I don't wanna be weathered and withered with worries.. I still want to be me - carefree and happy - but how is one supposed to be this when as you grow older, you are exposed to more and more unhappy things?

Posted by Doreen at 3:17 pm