Friday, October 01, 2004
It was supposed to be an easy-going night, few people from work getting together for a little bit of fun. But of course, it turned out otherwise - all in the name of fun though! *grins*
I remembered the sequence of events up till about 12midnight? But I only got home at 3am in the morning. So for that 3 hours in between, I have absolutely no idea what happened. Though I remembered trying to vomit, but nothing came out. The last time this happened, I swore to myself - I'm never ever gonna guzzle drinks on an empty stomach. But of course, it happened again. I just never learn!
And of course, all these happened right in front of my dearest manager. HAHA. Poor boss! Had to give me tissue when I puked, had to stop the car for a good hour to let me rest because the motion will make me even more dizzy. Thank goodness he had Resh and Anna to help him out, else he'll be cursing me even more.
So here's a big THANK YOU to them who helped messed up me last night *grins*
I just realised something - I am indeed a lost kid. Maybe I have some identity crisis happening. But I think it makes sense...
Being the eldest of four sisters has moulded me into being more protective over my sisters. It has also developed in me, a need to take charge of things, that I know it all, and that I can take care of them. I've always thought I projected this sort of an image to my friends as well. Apparently not.
While speaking to Resh over lunch today, he was surprised to find out that I'm the eldest child in the family. He said, "But you behave like you're the youngest kid!"
Then we thought about it for a while - it's probably like that to balance things out. When I go home, I'm Big Sis who will take care of it all. I'm the 23 year old daughter who has 3 younger siblings aged 21, 20 and 17 respectively. Mom and Dad make me feel respected being the eldest child. Mom and Dad make me feel like they trust me in certain decision making because I am the eldest child and I've reached a certain age where I'm capable of doing that.
But when I'm with friends, I'm always the youngest one around and I guess I want to be taken care of too. It all started in high school - my classmates were all a year older than me. When I went to college, I was 2 years younger than most if not all of my peers (I was 16, they were 18). Then when I went off to Uni, I was 18, and everyone around me.. 20 or 21. When I graduated I was 21 and the rest were 23 or 24. When I started work, I'm the youngest in the company of 300 staff.
So technically, I don't go around looking for older people to hang out with. They just happen to be there, and happen to be older than me. And of course, I guess I took the opportunity to take my turn to be the baby, to be taken care of?
I've also spoken to a few people recently - I think I'm changing again. But like Sim Yin said in her blog
, life IS about changes. It's how people move on and forward in life.
Again, from speaking with another friend... I realised that I'm getting tired of
. I'm beginning to doubt whether I still find casual relationships fun and exciting. OK, so maybe it is exciting.. But how long do I expect to be living this for? Hmm. Maybe I should do what everyone else is doing - do what my younger sisters are doing - do what my mom is hoping I'd do - find a decent guy and start some serious dating and a proper relationship going. That will make Mom happy. That will shut some relatives up. Hey! I can kill so many birds with one stone! Just perfect isn't it?
Now the challenge is finding THAT guy. Why is it so hard? Am I fussy? Am I too snobbish? I don't want just any guy-next-door or any ordinary Joe. So if I'm so fussy, how can I expect to find THAT guy? But what? You're asking me to settle for second best? Hmmm. No wait, but there is bound to be a guy that fits the bill right? I mean heck, there are millions of men in this world right? All I need is one. Just ONE goddamit.
HAHA. OK, now I sound like some desperado right?
Anyways, I'm just saying all these cos I think I'm getting tired of mucking, playing and fooling around. I think I'm ready for some real action yeah? Or should I just sit around and go with the flow... No no, must not go with the flow. If I want changes, I gotta go get it yeah?
Oh shucks. Like this is gonna make my hang over any better with so much thinking to do!
Posted by Doreen at 4:05 pm