Monday, July 19, 2004
I don't have enough compassion it seems... But what does an SMS asking you to wait for someone's death supposed to have you do? And what does "Get ready" mean? Get ready to run out of my office and immediately get the next coach? Or is it emotionally?
Yes I am saddened by the fact that he's in pain, and he's suffering in bed and not being able to do anything. But it just irks me that when someone is dying, it's the living who have to go through all the hassle, the worries about work and deadlines and other commitments.
So anyways, as I write this, Grandpa has already passed away. Dad called me over lunch to inform me that Grandpa passed away at exactly 1:20pm this afternoon. He told me to be back by Thursday for the funeral proceedings which will happen on Friday. I didn't need to go through shock or feel further saddened cos hey, I'm ready. How can I not be?
I'm pissed at myself for feeling the way I'm feeling. But I am also pissed at whoever that it is out there, trying to test me in this manner. I have missed one DJ-ing stint because of Grandpa's health and they thought he was dying then. Now I'm missing another MC-ing job because he's really dead. I feel it's like a huge, nonsensical prank that is being played out here. Are lives supposed to come to a standstill while we wait for the sick and elderly to pass on to another world?
Maybe in this lifetime I will never understand. Not till I lay in my own deathbed probably.
I have to admit, I don't know Grandpa all that well. We hardly ever saw him... Except maybe during Chinese New Year. And in the last 8 years, we've only gone back for Chinese New Year once. After having said all that, I love Grandpa. He was a good man. He worked hard for his family and was a doting grandfather. I say this from the bottom of my heart, and it's not easy coming from a huge and complicated family, and all the power struggle within.
I'm sure that he's gone off to a better place now, and may he rest in peace.
Posted by Doreen at 4:17 pm