Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Anal Pleasures

Everyone I know empty their bowels in the morning. I do mine in the evening or night, after work. My mornings are too precious to be spending atop a toilet bowl.

So I removed a ciggie from the pack and headed to the toilet. The ashtray, lighter and magazine are already in the toilet for good. Smoking while taking a dump is ultra relaxing. It's one of those little joys in my life. I know, quite sad aren't I?

While smoking on the toilet bowl I love blowing out circles of smoke by mouthing an 'O' with my lips, and then watch the smoke slowly dissolve into nothingness. Reading gives me something to do when I'm not blowing out O-shaped smoke, instead of... uh.. picking my nose or something.

Too bad consuming food and/or beverage in the toilet is deemed unhygienic, else I'd love to carry my Starbucks papercup into the toilet, with a smoke and magazine in hand, while taking my dump.

I thought about the bathroom which I will have in my future home. It must spacious that's for sure because I'd like to have a bathtub in there.

No, you don't get me do you?

I MUST have a bathtub.

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I love water. And I love bubbles! A tub in my own bathroom will give me the luxury of a hot bubbly bath any time I want. I'll then stock up on all kinds of bath foam known to mankind, with all sorts of flavours and scents. Relaxing in a bubbly bath with a glass of wine after a long day - another little joy in life.

A rain shower is another luxury I hope to have. Of course the tub is my first priority. But rain showers are awesome. I love the huge surface of the shower head which releases stronger and more jets of water.

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Something like this would be perfect.

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But I'd settle for this too if budget doesn't permit.

"Babe, next time we will have a place where we can use the bathroom together. I can be in the tub and you can shit on the toilet, we can have coffee and smoke in there too, so it's gotta be comfortable and clean," I said to him.

"Nice. Must get a coffee machine! A canggih-fied one that makes our latte the way Starbucks does it! And I want to use the tub too! Make sure it's big enough for 2. So after I shit, I can jump in!" he said.

My eyes widened.

"Just make sure you rinse your backside first!"

Posted by Doreen at 11:20 am