Thursday, January 04, 2007

Toilet Training Great Men

When girls get together to, you know, talk… one of our favourite topics would be on the issue of “training men”. Or how some of us like to call it “toilet training”, i.e. guiding them on the basic dos and don’ts in a relationship.

“We both come home from work exhausted and I’m expected to cook, do his dishes and take the garbage out while he can sit in front of the tele moaning about the shitty day he had!”

“Oh mine’s been trained in that department already – he now takes the trash out every night after dinner!”

“Mine still leaves the kitchen chores to me, but he’s well trained in the bathroom department already, you know – cleaning the hair in the sink after shaving, the toilet seat having to be left down and the toothpaste being squeezed from the bottom of the tube instead of right at the top”.

“At least you still have him sticking around after all that! Mine walked out on the relationship after me spending a good 3 years toilet training him!”

“If he left you to be single, I can take it. But imagine if he left you for another woman, god I’d go ballistic. After all the training I’ve given, now another woman gets to enjoy it?”

Men, like all other species on earth, are also different in their own ways. The learning curve varies from one man to the next, and so are the things which you need to train him on. Some only require training on basic household rules, but some require training even in matters such as not forgetting important dates or gatherings which you have planned together, and how to shower your lady with some affection even on a normal day.

Mine required training in the department of affection-giving.

No, don’t get me wrong, he does show affection, but only on a larger scale. What I meant was simple things like giving me a back-rub after a hard day at work, or a quick kiss before we leave for work in the morning.

I’ve always enjoyed watching “picture perfect families” on the tele, and how the man will kiss the woman before he leaves for work while standing out on their patio of their white-picket fenced house, and as the children bundle into the family MPV, ready to be ferried to school. I know, that’s a typical portrayal of a Western “picture perfect family”. My parents don’t kiss every morning before dad leaves for work. But I used to remember how mom would see dad off at the door, help load his bag into the car, and wave him off as he drove away. That’s their own little affection-giving gesture.

So I started off with pushing my face to the man’s lips every morning before we left for work. I did that for a while. Well, it must have been a rather long while cos I don’t even remember when I started doing it. He would of course respond with a quick peck on my cheek. I mean, what else right since I already offered to be kissed? And seeing how mom used to do it, I would also help him put his water bottle and the occassional packed sandwich box into the car for him.

Well anyways, the good news is, I now no longer have to shove my face to his lips for the kiss. The dear man would be standing there ready with pouted lips to give me my peck on the cheek as we are about to get into our respective cars.

So like I said, men still vary from one another. Some may take longer than the others to be trained, but they are all train-able that’s for sure. We can’t live without them, so might as well give them the chance they deserve and the world would be a better, happier place.

Now that he's just got the hang of that chapter, I'll give him a break before I start on training him to give me back-rubs.

This is exciting innit? Heh.

Posted by Doreen at 12:23 pm