Wednesday, March 01, 2006
When I was in my teens, I dated a couple of boys... and none ever lasted long. Couple of weeks, six months, under a year, and poof, we ended things.
Maybe because I was too playful. Maybe because they were too playful. Maybe because we kept getting distracted by the sight of all the other girls and guys around us, and our raging hormones were just too hard to contain, so we dump this one and move on to the next.
MAYBE because we kept saying "I love you" to each other.
Recently, I asked the boyfriend, "Do you love me?" He said to me, "What is love?"
Like ANY normal girl, I went ballistic. At first.
"WHAT?! Don't you love me? It is important for me to know whether you love me! You can't even say 3 simple words? Now I know where I stand in your life - NO FUCKING WHERE!"
And like ANY other female, I went, "Men! Bloody commitment phobes!"
The boyfriend also added, "Why are we talking about love? I am with you now and we are happy - isn't that all that matters?" He spoke to me about the things he's done, the things he's doing and the effort he's putting in to make this relationship work.
Pissed and upset as I was, after the initial frustration dissolved, I thought about what he said, and I've come to realize something about myself as well. But first, let me get something straight, I DID NOT ask him if he loves me because I was heading towards the topic of marriage. Argh, no way! It's just... funny little things that girls do I guess.
Men are smart creatures you see. At 18, they used "I love you" so that their girlfriend would agree to make out in the car. Or something along those lines anyway. But at 28, they know that if they are going to say "I love you" to their current partner, they'd better damn well mean it! But women are even smarter you see. If man says "I love you" to woman, one of these days, woman will go.. "But.. but.. but I thought you loved me? So if I love you, and you love me, why can't we get married soon?" Then they are officially screwed.
So they don't say it till they are ABSOLUTELY, CERTAINLY, CONFIDENTLY, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT sure. I think.
So back to the boyfriend's question - "What is love?"
The more I think about it, love ain't so easy afterall. Gone were the days of freely spouting "I love you" during those teenage relationships that I've had. Love, is to me today, a huge ass responsibility. Sure mutual feelings of care and affection and sometimes, the disillusioned feeling of "love" creeps up on you. But that scary love, THAT love with a capital L, is damn scary!
And the thing which I've come to realize about myself?
I am shit scared too.
Posted by Doreen at 5:46 pm