Thursday, December 30, 2004
MK and me at Attica in Singapore.
Ah... 2 years, 3 months and 18 days! A good 838 days since I've been driving the same route to work, eating almost about the same breakfast every morning, walking the corridors of the same office, dealing with the same people, dealing with the same things over and over again: above-the-line, below-the-line, brochures, posters, buntings, advertisements, material deadlines, insertion deadlines, contact reports, colour separation, copy, visual, mock-ups, press releases, conferences and launches, lights and turning heads, amplifiers and sound system, mixer and microphones, recording studios, voice-overs, multimedia presentation, damn the list is endless! Whaddya expect? It IS 838 days afterall! I mean, come on, you really think all I do is sit in the office and blog? OK, maybe sometimes. But you'd think that after 838 days, I would have been found out or something eh? Either that, or I'm just a really good. Your pick. Heh.
So since it's my last day at the office before the year ends, I shan't be ashamed of proclaiming that "I'M AN OFFICE BLOGGER!" And a damn proud one too. Heh.
At about 12:30am late last night, I settled down to read the day's papers. OK, YESTERday's papers actually. The Asian tsunami seems to be the most talked about thing of late - during lunch, at the photocopier, in the toilets, coffee and cigarette breaks, in the car, in the bus and trains, over the phone, etc. Pity, sympathy, empathy - I feel it. Reading the papers in my modest but comfortable room, all I can do is but say a little prayer to whichever God out there. I scanned the published pictures of bloated dead bodies with protruding arms and legs littered along the beaches, of grieving mothers and fathers and children, of places torn and wrecked and it hurts me so. So much so that I actually found myself crying as I flipped through the papers. Real tears fell and caused a patch of dark blotch on the newspapers. It's no weep, mind you.
It's not the first that I've actually cried so hard while reading the papers. The other time which I remembered doing so was upon reading the full report on the recent Russian hostage crisis. Words which were used created vivid images in my head, and seeing people suffer in those pictures further added salt to my wound. I remember them not being fed with water, and some resorted to using their shoes to contain their urine so that they can drink. I remember them not having anything to eat, and children resorted to eating petals of flowers (which they brought to school on the first day for their teachers or something). I also remember seeing lifeless bodies, lined up, one after another, and another, and another. I also remembered not being able to take anymore, folded the papers and cried so hard with my face burried in my pillows. Man, these are children we are talking about!
I don't know what my point here is. But all I do know is that newspapers are sad, evil pieces of paper folded together. They bring misery to people. Thank God I'm not one of those who pore over the papers over my morning cuppa... my day will be ruined if I did! Seeing images and reading of other's misery and suffering brings unto me an even deeper misery because I feel that we are one, mankind on this earth - so why is it that I get to sit on the bed while other people are there - right smack in the middle of the wreckage, digging and digging under the rubbles in hope that they find at least the bodies of their loved ones, instead of just an arm. Is this nature playing law? "OK people, you're procreating too much and the world's resources will not be enough to feed all of you - so I'm gonna have to wipe some out". It's like some sick joke.
After crying, I started cleaning up room for a bit. I opened a chest of drawers and went through some of the things in there. It was a pleasant surprise as I found a rather worn-out envelope containing letters and pictures sent to me by a very dear friend in Australia. My fingers shivered as I excitedly plucked out the contents from the giant envelope and quickly begin reading the first page. Hmmm... It brings back old memories, good times and bad. Waves of emotions flooded my mind (no pun intended!).. and man, those were good times. Reading the letter brought me back into time, to that exact moment and I could almost feel the writer's words. It was like a nice, cosy, warm feeling... ahh. I suppose old letters do that to you huh?
Marina Mahathir wrote about making resolutions in her Musings column yesterday. Wishful Thinking for the New Year was different because it was not an article on personal resolutions, but rather resolutions that us, as a society can make for the coming year.(For complete article, click here
) The few resolutions she listed that we as a society should work on are -
(1) Bringing back ethics i.e. let us not cheat, lie or steal. And she went on to say that people in public office should own up, apologise and maybe even resign if they have done something wrong. You go, girl!
(2) If someone is stupid, tell them that. Let's not beat around the bush.
(3) Celebrate diversity, not just nodding with acknowledgement.
(4) Get literate, not literal. Things don't have to be smacked in your face before you understand it.
(5) We deserve good service! Don't you just hate people who keep you on hold for too long, sales people who don't have the slightest idea what they are selling, etc.
(6) Beat red lights, do not stop in the yellow box, do not park where there is a yellow line, do not double park, in short - Abide by traffic rules!
(7) Let us all refused to be condescended by bureaucrats. We pay their salaries, first class travel, allowances.. And we should insist on knowing why they waste our money.
(8) Mediocrity is not the way. In Marina's words, "We should never be content to be jaguh kampung
(hero of the village) or the one-eyed king among the blind".
(9) Let us stop being feudal and kiss the asses of those with titles. YEAH! I so agree! And of course, this is my personal favourite!
(10) To stop finding excuses for not doing the right thing.
(11) Listen - even if you don't like what is being said. Just because you don't like it don't mean it ain't true honey!
Ah. She's brilliant.
Let's go back to point number 9. Let's not talk about big honorary titles or even anothing remotely royal or whatsoever. About a month back, I went for this interview at a huge corporation listed on the main board of the KLSE. Let's detour for a while - I love going for job interviews. I feel good about myself, and well, maybe it's ego, maybe it's vanity - but I just love hearing myself talk about myself. Heh. So anyways, I had the Business Development Manager interview me for a good 30 minutes. Eventually, he called upon the Executive Director to come meet me. When she walked into the room, there was an air of superiority that surrounded her. Heavily made up, big curly hair and a smart suit to boast. She proceeded to speak to me for a good 15 minutes or so and we came upon this topic of "meeting and dealing with top people". After I told Ms. Exec Director that I am comfortable dealing with people at all levels, she said, "Are you sure? Doreen, we are talking about top CEOs from local and foreign companies you know?"
I said, once again, firmly "Yes, I believe I have that professionalism and people-skill". But deep down, I thought, "Yes...? And your point being...? Aren't they humans too?" Work is work. We just need professionalism and of course, respect them as your clients, superiors, etc. We don't need to kowtow to them you know what I mean?
And to wrap up the interview, Ms. Executive Director said to me, (her exact words) "Doreen, you look great, you smell great and man, I love those shoes! (then proceed to take another look at them as she was seated in the chair next to me) But you're 23, and just way too young! And your learning curve here will be so steep it is almost vertical!"
At that point in time, I had 2 thoughts in my head - One. Composure. She's probably testing you. Two. "You know what's vertical? *shows her middle finger* Now that's vertical!"
Well anyway. They called the very next day to offer me the job. But to cut a long story short, I'm not working there... still at the same job.. that explains the 838 days! Heh.
Happy New Year to all.
Posted by Doreen at 2:12 pm
Monday, December 27, 2004
Our miniature tree at home
Sister Serene and cousin Dorothy
The Christmas babies - Chris, Kendrick and Daddy
...and their cake
Where's my pressie?
Me and Dorothy
Baby cousins and me
A little angel in white
Ngek ngek ngek, wanna come under the knife?
Daphne and me with a silly-looking plush toy
Me and Daphne at a Swensen's outlet while in Singapore
Posted by Doreen at 4:51 am
Sunday, December 26, 2004
When I don't blog for many days on end, it's usually me being caught up in the hullabaloo of life - the bitter, the sweet, me trying to keep up with the frantic pace of the time of the year. People are rushing to get over with December. People cannot wait to usher in the New Year. Despite the apprehension that comes along with ushering in another New Year, what with aging another year and all that garbage, people are nevertheless, excited about the New Year. Each New Year brings with it new hope, new meanings, new start... Its a time when people try to relieve themselves of past guilt and "burdens", and secretly hope that things will take a better turn come the New Year. It's a time when people have an excuse to forgive and forget and forge a brand new beginning.
It's exactly 5 days before 2004's curtains are let down and the lights dimmed, albeit momentarily, before those very curtains are once again raised along with the lights and sounds, and once again, the actors take their place on the stage, as though on cue - hug and kiss and wish each other a Happy New Year. And from there on, ah...
The last 10 days have been rather eventful. MK and I spent many a good hours over alcohol of all sorts, and catching up on all the happenings since we last met up about a year ago. He has come far, we both have. Indeed, if you look at the way we were 7 or 8 years ago; a wild 16 year old girl with a long-haired punk dude who shared a room in a crummy apartment with 6 other dudes - ranging from hardcore IT geeks to serenading romeos on the balcony, from mellow drunks to weird ass druggies.
I spent a few days with R too while in Singapore. I expected a nice little pre-Christmas get-together where we'd be able to spend some quiet times with one another, away from our hectic lives in KL. I expect us to laugh and be merry like we know how to before we go back to KL and be caught up in work and many other obligations. I expect to discover more about one another and thus opening up more avenues of possibilities. I placed so many expectations, expecting this and that... But little did I expect him to say – "In the last few days before you got here, I went back to KL to pack up. I've resigned. I've brought back all my belongings to Singapore". He went on to further say, "Enough is enough. I can no longer bear working and living there."
I swallowed back tears. I expected this day to come, but not so abruptly, and especially not when he promised to give me "a month's notice". I want so much to fight, but what's there to fight for? Decisions have been acted upon. I didn't quite know whether to be all upset and harp about it further, or to forget the whole thing... But what I do know is that we have 4 days to enjoy each other's company.
I had two alternatives, two Christmas presents to choose from actually - A big ugly piece of news that's utterly depressing, OR the fact that I get to spend 4 days with him alone. I chose the latter. Or rather, I forced myself to.
Despite the fact that...
DVD renting included Fahrenheit 9/11, and definitely not the best DVD to watch mainly because we've all had enough of George's stupidity. His shower supplies did not include a single bottle of hair conditioner which resulted in me having coarser hair for that few days. I think sleeping with the air-conditioner on and windows wide open was rather stupid and a waste of energy resource. I also feel that drinking bottled mineral water at home is snobbish and is an insult to us who fill our glasses and kettles with tap water. Canned food and greasy take-aways is not exactly healthy and it makes me very lethargic when we dine on roast chicken and bratwurst in the afternoon.
It was warm having someone to cuddle up to on the couch. It was inanely fun having KFC home-delivery and to pig out so sinfully over deep fried crispy chicken. It was innocently sweet having fingers intertwined as good conversation flowed. It was mind-blowing having a strong, protective arm over me in bed at night, and when I wake up in the mornings. It was sexy being able to address our hunger over a think creamy bowl of clam chowder at 5am in the morning. It was peaceful falling asleep on the couch while waiting for him to come back one night. It was comforting seeing his clothes (both dirty and fresh out of the dryer) strewn over the house. It was comforting standing there on the balcony on the eighth floor in our ugly sleepwear, messed up hair, and sleep in our eyes as we enjoyed the view while having our cigarette in the mornings.
In the end, instead of coming home fulfilled and contented, I came home 2 days before Christmas, feeling all drained and exhausted. I feel cheated. I feel short-changed. Just when I thought there was something, and before I had the chance to prove it right or wrong, or to act upon it, *baaaammm* it's over!
Having family down south means that I've received constant reminders that I ought to be working in Singapore... therefore, does R moving back to Singapore signal a sign of some sort? If he is right for me, should I fight for it? But what about my life in KL? I've spent the last 7 years building and building my life here in this crazy city. So here I am thinking - how far should I go if I have an inkling of a feeling that he is just so right for me? Should I, in simple words, move between states so that I can fight for what I think (at this point in my life) is the perfect man? What if he's not? Should I put 7 years of my life in KL to a halt, while I perhaps detour for a little bit and see what's in store for me in another place? Is it going to be worth it?
I'm lost. Terribly upset and for the 2 days, went to sleep after a huge session of bawling my eyes out and wetting my pillows. However, no time for that because it's Christmas! I could not afford to be cooped up in my room while mom was busy cooking up a storm. I could not possibly ignore the fact that we are having some 20 odd people at our house on Christmas eve.
So I'll mull about R when I go back to KL tomorrow. In the mean time.. Here are some pictures taken at the party...
Christmas is about being silly and posing by the Christmas tree with a beer in hand.
Mom and Dad.
Serene, Me and Daphne
That's me and Daphne..
And Elaine and me by the Christmas tree...
Me and aunty.
Those of our generation... the young 'uns.
And my parents' generation.. hey! They know how to have fun too!
They say we look alike.. Do we?
Me wishing you "Merry Christmas" up-close-and-personal.
More pictures to come in the next entry. Hopefully! And oh, Merry Christmas!
Posted by Doreen at 2:36 am
Thursday, December 16, 2004
It's just a wee bit pass 4 in the afternoon, and yes, this is my third entry of the day *grins* Well, I've decided to dedicate more of my time to penning down another entry in hopes that I'll kill some time. Come 5pm, I'll do a li'l bit of paper work and then at 6pm, click-click goes the sound of my heels as I sashay out of the office.
I went to the mall just now to check out this promotion for the launch of a gym here in Cheras. You know, that blue gym giant who gives you an ugly school-bag when you sign up and insist that you sign up because, hey! fitness should come first!
So I went to their promo area in the concourse area of the mall and found out and Mandy was busy signing some other people up. I thought I'd wait. After a good 15 minutes, Mandy was still yakking away with that odd looking couple. Middle aged I reckon. Man was balding. Woman was hiding behind a thick, dark pair of sunglasses.
Finally, Mandy came around and grouped us with these other women who were waiting for her. Then she looked around and indicated to me that she still has to speak to another person first before she can be with us. She also asked if we mind joining them so she can brief us as a group. Hell! Whaddya think? I'm attending some lecture? I stood up and said, "Forget it" and briskly walked off.
Oooh.. Bitchy aren't you?
Posted by Doreen at 4:27 pm
In today's papers, "Men Go For The Meek" is a little article on how men are programmed to avoid stronger women as potential mothers to their children because they perceive them to be more likely to be able to attract other sexual partners.
"Most men would rather marry of date their secretary than their boss because they instinctively fear that women in positions of authority will cheat on them, according to American research. Psychologists who carried out tests on 328 volunteers found that male subjects were more likely to be attracted to subordinate colleagues than those of a smiliar or more senior status."
Oh wait, there's more!
"Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, from the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research said: 'Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women. The hypothesis is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimise the risk of raising offspring that are not their own."
Isn't this amazing? OK, so I can understand men not wanting to date their female bosses, but even those of similar status or position? So there, to all you girlies out there - don't be too ambitious in wanting to climb up the corporate ladder. The only men who are up there and who are more superior than you will be fat, balding CEOs and MDs. Now we don't wanna get married to the likes of those do we?
So to all the young girls out there - don't worry too much about examinations and grades. If you wanna snag a nice man who will give you a nice home filled with nice children, just go do a secretarial course! Your man will love so oh-so-much cos he'll be damn sure those kids are his! Woo hoo!
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a feminist. And of course I don't blame Nic Fleming for writing the article, cos it is afterall a proven study. But it's just so.. sickening? I don't blame the men too I suppose. I mean, it's just all so weird. How did they end up like this? Sigh.
Now dig this - in the same page, there is a little column entitled "Fibbing Females", and this article is about a poll conducted on women in Britain, Scotland and Wales, and 96% of the women polled admitted to resorting to telling fibs. And of course, their partners top the list of being the person most frequently lied to with a whopping 70%!
Heh, now you know why the "Men Go For The Meek" article came about?
Posted by Doreen at 1:25 pm
OK, apparently I fucked up my old template, so here's a new one. Thanks Daphne!
. I guess in a way screwing up my old template was a blessing in disguise cos now I have a refreshing new layout.
It's Thursday - my end of the week - as I will be away for a good 10 days starting tomorrow. Away from work, away from KL, though I'll miss the latter. I always do when I leave town, even for a couple of days. So excited about the holidays, wondering what's going to be in store.
Will MK and me be having beers in the afternoon and catching up, telling and re-telling tales from yesteryears? Will we have a wild Saturday night out in town drinking and dancing ourselves silly? Then I think about Tricia. Is that how her name is spelt anyway? Tricia? Trisha? She never really seemed fond of me. She's polite and courteous towards me, but I've never felt much warmth coming from her. Oh well, since MK will eventually end up marrying her, do you think I should start training myself to like her?
But oh... why bother? I see MK once, maybe twice a year - so I think our paths won't be crossing much. As much as I'd like to deny it, I do think this is a case of female rivalry. Back in our teenage years, I used to think that I'll have MK be the godfather of one of my children, and I would love to be godmother to one of his little ones too! But hmmm.. I don't see how it's gonna happen now.
And I look forward to spending 3 whole days with R! I never seem to get enough of him. When we're both in KL, our catching up is always limited to a good few hours.
Oooh, and then of course, there's Christmas. I can already picture mother in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Yes I'll be home for Chrissie this year. I didn't make it last year. And the year before as well I think. Hmmm, the fragrance of the freshly baked cakes and the golden brown giant bird that sits in the oven.. It's going to be perfect. How does it go again? I'll be home for Christmas, You can count on me, Please have snow and mistletoe, and presents under the tree..?
Had a nice evening with Elaine yesterday. Went for a quick dinner, and frantic Christmas shopping which resulted in us not getting anything. Except for ourselves. Or rather myself. I absolutely love the nail colour I now have on after visiting the nail parlour over the weekend. So I had to get one that is similar. The shade of burgundy is so Christmas, so womanly, so red and bold. And of course, how can you resist a little pretty white blouse which was just oh-so-pretty? *grins* Both sisters then proceeded to a bar for a little tete-a-tete and that was fun. After 2 glasses of gin and tonic she admitted that she was feeling a wee bit woozy. So we bade goodbye to the very tall, very muscular, ver flirtatious bartender, we called it a night.
Nice night. I wish we could do this more often.
Posted by Doreen at 10:59 am
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
When he said that he got into an accident and my heart almost stopped.
Fell asleep at the wheel apparently. Too tired. I was almost in tears and my hands were starting to get all sweaty and cold.
I went numb with pain and fear. "And you? Are you OK?" I asked. "I'm fine.." he mumbled.
His car swerved to the left, and a fraction of a second later when he awoke, he took an immediate swerve to the right to avoid hitting the dividers, but ended up hitting an oncoming motorcyclist instead. The motorcyclist was thrown off his bike and was injured. The motorcyclist also bled a whole lot lying there on the roads. The cops came, the ambulance came...
"Are you sure you're OK? No injuries?" I asked again. "Yeah I'm OK..." he said again.
"So what happened then?" I probed further.
"Cops initially wanted me to do a urine. But in the end we didn't do it. I'm going to the police station tomorrow first thing in the morning," he explained.
I froze. He cannot possibly go for a urine. I was scared. So very scared.
"Would you like me to go the police station with you tomorrow morning?" I said it with much weight upon my words cos I was just so numb.
"Naw.. It's OK. Really, it's OK.. I was just kidding!", and he then let out a hearty laugh.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the joke, to give him a good trashing for pulling such a prank, or for crying happy tears cos it's all good. I ended up spitting a whole string of profanities and he kept apologizing and laughing at the same time.
I cannot, CANNOT take such excitement. It's like some sick joke.. and I cannot comprehend why someone can do something like this? Giving you that sudden jolt that stops you dead in your tracks, where your heart goes *thud-thud* and damn, it hurts with each thud.
I cannot, repeat - CANNOT take such excitement.
Posted by Doreen at 11:18 am
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Today I feel different. Today is like no Saturdays that I've had. I woke up just before 8 and calmly went about my bathroom routine and rummaged through the closet for something decent to wear (OK, so I haven't done my laundry in ages, but that's besides the point).. and sat out on the swing in the porch, patiently waiting for a colleague to give me a ride.
I noticed the ants that scurry about their morning chores. I noticed the water that trickled into the drain. I watched Donny the pup prance back and forth when I teased him, when tired he will retreat to his corner to rest, occasionally he will walk about and sniff the air as though sensing something amiss.. Silly pup! Skies, sun, trees, birds - picture perfect.
The blue skies and the bright morning sun have been here before. Maybe that same bird was up in that very same tree many a times. But this morning, it was different. Well, it FELT different. I was truly happy - happy being here, happy about my life in general - family, friends, work, and most importantly, happy being me.
Image - we all carry one. The person we project to the world via our dressing, the way we talk, walk and act, the words we use, the train of thoughts in our head, the principles and beliefs we hold true to, the drinks we drink, the foods we eat, the places we go to, the cigarettes we smoke, the books we read, the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the things we do for a living, the people we hang out with, and the list is of course endless. An image is a personal facade.
I decide what to wear, but do not decide the judgements people pass onto me when I wear what I wear. I decide what values I keep close to my heart, but do not decide what people think of me when I think in a certain manner. I decide my actions, reactions and things I say pertaining to certain issues and matters, but do not decide what I may be perceived as when I say and do the things I said or did.
Therefore, is it not true that I merely create my facade, but not my image? Therefore, doesn't it make "image" merely an illusion created by stereotypes which are in turn created by culture and society?
"Doreen loves having a beer" is read as "She's a drunk"
"Doreen has got two tattoos" is read as "She's a rebel child"
"Doreen is in advertising" is read as "She's quirky, wild and crazy"
"Doreen thinks that women should have a right to go for an abortion " is read as "She engages in irresponsible premarital sex"
"Doreen laughs and also cusses loudly" is read as "She's rude, vulgar and improper"
"Doreen speaks her mind" is read as "She has no respect for authority and thinks the world owes it to her"
But of course, having said that, it still boils down to me. If I already know what sort of connotation or perceptions that comes along with dressing a certain way, or behaving a certain way, and if I'm uncomfortable - I can change the way I talk, dress or behave can I not?
Of course, the question now is - should I? As a 20-something Chinese girl in a relatively modest and conservative culture, should I be worried about what people think of me? Does it bother me?
Mostly, no. But at times - there's teeny weeny part inside of me that thinks "Crap!" Having rather traditional and conservative parents does this to me sometimes. I sometimes catch myself thinking like mom - "Don't be such a loudmouth, you'll scare men away!".. or "Which decent Chinese man will want a wife with a tattoo?" (she obviously don't know about the second one... yet).. or "Don't go out in the sun too much, men like their women fair!"... or "You're showing too much cleavage, people will think you're easy!"... or "You shouldn't stay over with any of your guy friends at their place alone, what will people think?"... or "Don't come back too late, people will think that you're up to no good being out at such ungodly hours"
Honestly, I do worry about these sometimes. Maybe mom is right? Maybe no man will want a wife with a tattoo or tattoos for that matter. Maybe no men like their women loud. Maybe men really do like their women fair. Maybe I should wear a turtleneck all the time so that men will think I'm all prim and proper and want to marry me.
At the same time, I love my tattoos and I think they are the coolest thing which I've gotten for myself. I like being loud, being expressive, and speaking my mind. I like evenly tanned skin and don't like using sunblock or whitening products. And wearing a plunging V-neck is merely being confident in what I've been blessed with *grins*
I fear of what I will be in future, with of course sagging boobs being on top of the list.
It's a weird life we live innit not?
Posted by Doreen at 9:47 am
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Woke up sharp at 9am
To the bathroom I quickly ran
Hair untamed I made a face
"Jolly good, you're a mess!"
Came to work groggy and sad
Had a feeling day's gonna be bad
Hot coffee to perk me up
Yellow and blue, a happy mug
Admin tasks which I loathe
Had me running back and forth
Hours flew and tummy growled
Time for lunch let's all smile!
Tummy full now back to desk
Sleepy head now needs to rest
Mails, calls and paper work
My boss has indeed gone beserk!
Time went by now close to 6
Happy girl skips to the beat
A deep breath, "Oh what a day!"
Let's all leave merry and gay
Posted by Doreen at 5:31 pm
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
As we sat up on the rooftop, she related to me her pain and anguish of what if feels like to be hurt and betrayed by this... creature.. a creature who's hands when holding us gives us love, warmth and security, a creature who's words weaken our knees and makes our hearts swoon with glee, a creature who we so love despite their little idiosyncrasies, a creature who will make our hearts go soft and our heads high in the clouds when they call our names lovingly or when they look at you as though you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world.. How can a creature of such, so dear and loving, cause her so much pain?
I can't say I know the intensity of her pain. True, I may have been hurt by that same species, but each experience is our own, and only we will know how drastic it is or the magnitude of our pain it inflicts upon our hearts and soul.
But woman to woman - we know what it feels like, we know the drill, we know the basics. It's either you put up with it, give him a second chance, or you gather whatever is left of your pride and dignity and walk away - albeit slightly crippled at the moment, but we'll manage. We all do.
A friend once told me, "I'm no quitter - I choose which battles to fight".
In this case, if this is the man of your dreams and you know you are meant to be - isn't this a battle you should fight? Or do you think you're worthy of creatures with a higher sense of intelligence and hence, walk away now while you still can?
But how do you know which battles are meant to be fought, and which are just plain pointless?
Posted by Doreen at 5:34 pm
Monday, December 06, 2004
You already are...
You already are everything you could ever want to be. You already have all that you could ever need or desire. So why do you often feel so lacking and so incomplete? Why do you often feel so empty?
It is because you have been mesmerized by the illusion of limitation. It is because you have confused your shallow, fleeting ego with the person you truly are. You have forsaken the stunning, overwhelming abundance of what is. And you have sought refuge in the false comfort of your familiar insecurities.
Wake up and see that even the smallest, most simple thing is a miracle, utterly beyond comprehension, yet still available to be completely experienced. Open your eyes and know that the abundance you so longingly desire is yours the moment you accept and live it
- Ralph Marston
Wheeeeee! 19 days to Christmas! Though I sure hope that my car gets out of the workshop soon. It's so tedious getting around doing Xmas shopping without my wheels. Car accidents are just so crummy! And what makes it worse is that it ain't even my fault.
The things that have been keeping me occupied in the last few weeks till today...
1. Work... it's that time of the year! Brochures, advertisements, etc.
2. Al... same ol' same ol'. Arguments, 4 hour lunches inclusive of table talks, kiss and make-up times, etc.
3. Ruperto... Ah, many, many hours of good company filled with lotsa good fun. It's all good. Also the cause of many late nights and panda-looking eyes too by the way
4. Money... 'nuff said. Hmmph.
5. Car... crash, insurance, police reports, mechanic, workshops, etc.
6. Getting high... need I say more?
7. Jamie and Robin... a pair of Roborovski hamsters given to me by Anderson. After I named them, a friend said they sound like a gay couple. Sigh. Anyways, have brought them over to Elaine's seeing how I don't have time for them.
8. Fatso and Spidey... died of starvation *gulps* so guilty!
9. And oh.. all other little things along the way that is enough to keep me occupied.
On a brighter note, the office looks brilliant - we've taken to decorating it this time round. Blinking, sparkling lights hanging from the ceiling, a mini Christmas tree complete with ornaments and a silver star which also happens to be gigantically out of proportion, and Christmas stockings with all 6 of our names. Makes the work area more bearable instead of plain walls and windows which are just so drab.
Working on a Christmas Hi-Tea gathering that is really stressing me out big time. Have got to generate enough participation and attendance.. And well, put it this way - I cannot get this done alone, not unless the committee is also willing to sweat it out together. Urgh. Team-work eh? Pfft.
By the way, here is my Christmas wishlist. If you're thinking of getting me something, please refer to this list -
* A winning lottery ticket
* Organized finances i.e. clearing off all debts
* A set of Cafe Del Mar CDs
* A year's supply of beer (wheeee!)
* A new job wouldn't kill either
* A new Queen-sized bed with new sheets, pillows and comforter
* A big fat bonus from the Company.. Hmm.. maybe not cos I know it ain't happening
* Time to go down to Singapore to catch up with my dearest brother
* A nice, cheap, local beach-side holiday
* And others which I forgot as of now *grins*
Posted by Doreen at 2:20 pm