Thursday, July 27, 2006

Gaseous Matters

The man lets one rip. Damn loud sial!

Me: Babe, do you just fart conveniently when with me? Do you do that when you're with your friends too?

Him: Yup.

Me: OK *shrugs*

Him: *very excitedly* We even compete when it comes to farting!

Me: Hmmm.. *nose starting to wrinkle at this point in time* What kinda competition?

Him: Well, if I let one rip, one guy will try and return a fart too.

Me: HUH? *mentally picturing a game of tennis - I hit to you, you hit to me*

Him: There was this once, he let one rip first. And I immediately returned it in the next second! Prrrrrrrroooot!

Me: Huh?

Him: Yeah lah! Some more my friend can tell me, "Wah you on standby one is it?" *laughs to himself*

Me: Gosh.

Posted by Doreen at 6:18 pm


Tuesday, July 25, 2006

ghost parties for 60 days

I dislike the seventh month of the Lunar calendar for the simple reason that I am real chicken shit when it comes to supernatural / spiritual stuff.

"Go home earlier ah! Don't wander the streets late at night," advised mom.

"Watch where you walk you know, don't step on any food offerings on the roadside else bad luck will befall you. You know, the spirits will get mad if you step on their food," advised an older colleague.

"Just make sure you don't drive pass any cemetaries at night lah!" said another friend.

Fuck lah. Why so many things I have to look out for? And I can't not drive pass a cemetary cos there's a giant-ass Chinese cemetary next to the highway leading to my house!

Die lah like that. And instead of the usual 30 day seventh month, because a leap year in the Lunar calendar, this year, ghost festival is over 2 months. Insane I tell you.

Then last night the boyfriend texted me.

Him: There were people singing away to celebrate the seventh month ghost festival nearby my house... a lot of people, quite happening!

Me: Really? The temple at the bottom of the hill near my house had some movie screening the other night, I suspect also for ghost festival. Did you know when they stage such shows for the spirits, the first row of seats must always be left emptied. For "them" you know. Are they doing opera? Or belting Hokkien songs?

Him: Opera and sing song lo. Just now I also heard some techno music and saw some chicks dancing there.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAH. *ROTFLOL* Wah! Got techno music too? Damn modern lah they all!

Him: Yeah, some Chinese 'feng' songs.. not bad wei!

Posted by Doreen at 5:56 pm


Monday, July 24, 2006


I freelanced over the weekend at an event at one of the popular malls in PJ. At this fair, one of the games which was organized was called the "Water Drinking Contest". Contestants had to down 2 bottles of 500ml water in the fastest time possible. The first bottle they had to gulp it down straight from the bottle, whereas the second bottle was to be emptied using a super long pipe for contestants to suck away.

I hollered over the system that I needed 5 participants for this game. Three men came forward and the last to sign up was a mother with her daughter (she looked about 9 or 10) in tow. Both signed up to play.

I ushered them on stage where the bottles of water were displayed on a table and gave them a rundown of what they were supposed to do. In no time, all 5 participants were gulping down water by huge mouthfuls.

The adults took about the same time to finish their first bottle and quickly started sucking on the elongated pipe to finish the second bottle. The 10 year old girl soon began on her second bottle shortly after. Halfway through, I saw rivulets of water trickling down her jaws. She pushed the bottle away and started shaking her head, indicating to her mother that she did not want to play anymore because she just cannot stomach anymore water.

At that time, mother and 2 other man had completed both bottles of water. Mother insisted daughter finish it by cajoling her and at the same time, trying to push the pipe into her daughter's mouth.

"Bit more to go, bit more to go! Quickly finish it, got present after this!" said mother to her daughter in Mandarin.

"Cannot drink anymore..." whined daughter.

"Finish it!" came the reply.

Hesitantly, the daughter started sucking on the pipe to try and finish the bottle of water. When she was down to her last few gulps, she...



Right on stage.

Yellowish-whitish thick gunk started spilling from her mouth and onto the stage.

Only then the mother stopped forcing her to finish the water.

In the end, the daughter walked away with a consolation prize of...

2 bottles of mineral water.

Posted by Doreen at 10:56 am


Wednesday, July 19, 2006

No, thank you!

I will discourage mom from buying sharks fin for soup if she plans to do so in the near future.

At Chinese wedding dinners, if sharks fin soup is served, I will leave my share untouched.

As of today, I am no longer eating sharks fin.

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I have never really bothered much about sharks being an endangered species. Or the fact that poaching sharks, cutting off their fin and then throwing them back to sea and leaving them to die is inhuman.

Till I saw an entire episode of Edisi Siasat recently, which featured shark poaching right here in Malaysia.

This Chinese couple in Kuantan have their fishery business operation around catching sharks. They provide the necessary equipment and hooks to a bunch of Malay men who go out to the open seas to catch sharks. When they come back with their catch, they will have to only sell it back to this Chinese couple because the instruments were provided for.

For 1000kgs of shark brought back to land, the group of fishermen were paid about RM3000-RM4000.

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Apparently, Malaysian law states that fishermen are allowed to catch sharks, but shark catch for each fishing vessel must not exeed 10% of their total catch of other fishes as well. If found to exceed this 10%, the fine is about RM500 (so claimed by the Chinese lady boss), which is the price of one piece of shark fin (each fin cut into 2 pieces).

When the fishermen come back to shore, right on the jetty, the sharks are immediately butchered into large chunks for storage and transport. Black sharks are of a lower grade, therefore their flesh will be processed into salted fish. White sharks are usually sold, and even exported to Singapore where a higher price can be fetched. The fins are of course immediately cut off to be sold separately.

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The Chinese woman was even quoted saying that the authorities don't pose as a problem because we hire Malays to do the actual catching. Malaysian laws don't fine the buyers, merely the fishermen. What the hell? I know I flunked Economics back in college, but I know that where there is demand, there will be supply.

Anyways, when these fishermen catch their sharks, size is not a factor because really, anything goes. Small. Big. Adult. Baby. All are taken from their natural habitat. Sharks take an awfully long time to mature, 12-15 years! And gestation period can be as long as 22 months! A depleted shark population will then require decades to replace itself.

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So I was wondering if there were any projects or groups dedicated to protecting sharks in particular, and came across the Malaysia National Plan of Action (NPOA) for the Conservation & Management of Sharks. This was set up with guidelines adopted from the International Plan of Action (IPOA) of Conservation & Management of Sharks. The NPOA is of course supported by the Department of Fisheries Malaysia.

The document was close to 60 pages long. Somehow, these guys seem to think that our local fishermen are not out to catch sharks. I skimmed through the document as most parts were quite high-brow, presenting statistical facts and info on species etc. I came to the concluding pages and found this -

"Sharks are not targetted by fishers but are caught together with other commercially important species. They are brought back as a whole to the port and sold at a reasonable price with the fins fetching a better price"

They obviously don't know about that particular Chinese couple in Kuantan then. Also quoted in the text, "it is unlikely that the pressures on shark catches by Malaysian fishing vessels will increase in the future".

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Yeah, if one boat can bring back 1000kgs in a day, increase or not, there will come a time when there will be no more sharks : (

No more sharks fin soup for Doreen.

This is me doing my bit for eco-conservation. Say TAK NAK!

Posted by Doreen at 11:41 am


Monday, July 17, 2006

Only in Malaysia

I went to the GSC at Midvalley to pick up tickets for Superman Returns last Saturday night, after which I went to McDonald's for a double cheeseburger.

You know those little donation boxes at the side of the cashier? Well, it's meant to be a donation box and not a box for you to drop lose change of 1 sen coins. But who cares? It's Malaysia for crissakes. I'm guilty of that too. Dropping 1 sen coins in I meant.

I proceeded to drop some coins into the box upon getting my change from the cashier.

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Sweet mother of god.

What condom range of Durex comes in yellow wrapper? Lemon scented/flavoured ones?

Posted by Doreen at 6:22 pm


cannot stand up leh!

I've yet to have a man confide in me about his erectile dysfunction problem.

Then again, I doubt they'll speak to me about it. I mean, I'm no expert on the male reproductive system and I probably will laugh at them if they mumble something along the lines of "Uh.. you know ah, my thing.. there, that thing down there.. it cannot stand up leh!"

Perhaps also, with the advent of new technology in healthcare and or easy access to local herbs as remedies, many obtain their own medication in hopes of making it stand proper.

But when it comes to Viagra, Tongkat Ali and the likes, they only offer a One Nite Stand (literally) cure don't they?

Anyways, men, if your organ is not wanting to stand to attention when commanded, fret no more!

Introducing the Erectile Dysfunction Test Band....

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Thanks to a particular company, men now have a very private and personal method of determining if they have ED. It's not a cure, it's just a way of finding out for sure, and therefore encourage men to seek medical treatment for it.

It's basically a paper band which you wrap and affix securely at the base of your shaft before you go to bed. Apparently, in the course of your sleep, your penis will encounter 5-6 nocturnal erections. If you wake up in the morning and the band is torn, hoorah! You are alright! And if it's still in-tact at the base of your shaft, dude, go get help.

What a fantastic idea! (right)

But. The pro did say that even if the band is found to be torn, one MIGHT still have performance problem with his missus under the sheets. That person ought to seek medical help too.

Anyways. I found it to be a laugh. A band around the dick? HAHAHA. Kinda like those wrapper band around the McDonanld's sundae cone?

Read up on the full story here.

Posted by Doreen at 11:05 am


Wednesday, July 12, 2006

vacation - done, World Cup - over

The best part about vacationing in Tioman (or any other island getaways I suppose) is the joy of not caring what time is it. Actually, there is no need to care for time. It's simple really. When the sun rises, you wake up. When your tummy rumbles, you eat. When the sun is up, you frolick at the beach. When you feel dirty, you take a bath. When the sun sets, you sleep.

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I had no internet access and there were no daily papers to buy. There were no updates on traffic condition via the radio and who cares about the nightly 8 o'clock news? The only thing was that Celcom is the only telco with coverage there, and the phone had to be on in case of office emergencies. But thank goodness those calls were kept to a minimum. I warned them before I left. But they had Astro. So the World Cup was not an issue.

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Every night after dinner, we'd take a stroll along the jetty.

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This little hut may not seem like much, but this is the only place in Kampung Salang that serves a decent latte.

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Image having breakfast to a view like this every morning... sure beats munching on sandwiches while being stuck in a crawl along Jalan Tun Razak at 8am!

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Happy soaking up the sun!

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"Make sure you cannot see my belly ah!"

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Things you capture on camera when you are on the beach.

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Look at how brown I became! SKII whitening products? Bah. Not for me!

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Seaside cafe at Salang Pusaka.

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Dinner is by the beach too with an amazing view to boot. I love the smell of fresh seafood cooking on the grill coupled with the salty tang in the air. I go barefoot during dinner so that I can dig my toes into the sand while I chew on my food.

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Lanterns were lit to enable us to read the menu.

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Salang Dream Restaurant by the beach.

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White sandy beaches, swaying palm trees...

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From afar..

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I zoomed all the way in trying to focus, and the boyfriend saw me with the camera in hand and decided to say hello.

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Still nice and brown.

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The crystal blue waters.

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See the dark patch in the water? If you look closely, you might notice a whole school of tiny fish there! There were probably 8 million of them swimming under the jetty when I took this picture.

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How can you bear to leave a view like this?

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A nice solo shot to illustrate the picture perfect view behind me.

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Upon zooming in, notice the shirt I'm wearing? Brought it along so that I can wear it to return to KL when Italy gets the cup. Hoorah!

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One Brasil. One Azzuri.

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Taken from the back of the speedboat.

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On the day we left the island, even the skies were grey.

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And the speedboat roared off into the distant...

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Damn gaya right?

Alas, all good things must come to an end, and here I am back in KL. The World Cup is over. The vacation is over. Things should be back to normal in no time...

... after enduring the withdrawals first that is.

Oh, and I did not come home from Tioman empty-handed. I brought along some souvenirs too!

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Oooh, what's that? A bite?

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Yes, it's a freaking sandfly bite! Argh. Everytime I go to the beach, I come home with these. There are huge, red and itchy as hell! Those sandflies are like tiny microscopic creatures but with such venom in them. I have about 8 of them all over my legs, arms and back.

Posted by Doreen at 10:33 am


Thursday, July 06, 2006


Using the Times Kamus Dwibahasa to help me get a letter translated from English to Bahasa Malaysia.

Stumbled upon the word orgy, and naturally, I had to read the translation.

orgy - sukaria yang melebihi batas


Posted by Doreen at 2:12 pm


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Late, twice!

A song started playing on my phone. I opened my eyes in a daze to see the room still dark. Switching the alarm off, I realized that it is 3:00am. Yes, time to wake up.

Sleepily, one arm flew over to the boyfriend and landed smack on his tummy.

"Babe... wake up," I slurred. "Match... Germany and Italy".

"Mmmpfth," said he and proceeded to roll over. "Let me know when they score..."

I clambered out of bed and headed to the living room. I looked at my tee-shirt. Purple? Damn. I left my blue Azzurri shirt in my own room when I left in haste earlier on in the night.

Oh, what the hell. If they are gonna win, they are gonna win. With or without me in blue.

And win they did! *still shivering with excitement as I write this*

A superb and late, very late goal by Fabio Grosso, and another one a minute later by my all-time favourite Italian, Alessandro Del Piero. I leaped off the couch and jumped non-stop for a good 30 seconds, flapping my arms in the air and trying to suppress my need to scream out in joy. However, it still came out in muffled little spurts of "eeeee! eeeee! eeeee!"

Ah, the Azzurris meeting the French would be a good final to catch while I'm holidaying on the idyllic paradise island of Tioman...

Posted by Doreen at 9:24 am


Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Almost Over

Yup, the concert is over *hoorah*

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Tough work, but hey, it was an amazing experience. Minus the falling sick part of course. On the day of the event, I had a lousy fever, my nose leaked like a faucet, my cough worsened, and my throat tight to the point where my voice cracked and croaked. Think Rod Stewart, now drop it 2 octaves lower.

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During one of the many rehearsals...

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JJ on keyboards

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Sound engineers at work

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Lighting programming underway and musicians rehearsing on stage

And it's show time baby!

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The Arena of Stars was packed. We had about 8,000 people showing up, that's close to 100% attendance. It's my first ever concert, so I'd say we sure kicked ass.

Moving on to more important things. 4 more games to go!

The Germany-Argentina game was gut-wrenching. I was so fucking confident that Argentina will advance, but the goal from Klose was awesome nevertheless. The penalty shoot-outs were hard to watch, and when the Germans cheered, I walked with my head down back to the hotel room.

And Rooney? Bah. Serves him right for being so cocky. With Brazil out too... ah, things can only get more exciting from here on!

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At 3am tonight, groggily I will change out of my sleepwear and don this blue tee.

Posted by Doreen at 12:21 pm