Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Kicking It

It's my third day of being nicotine-free. And I hope to come clean, eventually.

There was a huge argument at home last night. I wonder if it's mood swings caused by nicotine withdrawals or the fact that there really IS a problem with us.

Oh, but it's all good now.

Runny nose. Check. Sleepy. Check. I don't know if I can just point finger at nicotine withdrawal. Or the fact that I'm still sick and feeling mighty groggy.

When I got home yesterday evening, I spotted the light blue box in my bag and retrieved a stick from the pack. I went out to the balcony for a fix. I took the first puff and it tasted weird. The second puff was even weirder. I flicked it.

It's my first attempt at quitting. My very first. I'm surprised I'm even doing it. But I hope it's not just the fact that I don't feel like smoking because I'm sick.

Wish me luck.

Posted by Doreen at 11:22 am


Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Screwed wrapped at KLPAC on Sunday night.

I fell ill right after that and slept in the entire of Monday.

It's been 2 days since I had a cigarette.

Will write when I manage to position my head back onto my neck.

Posted by Doreen at 1:26 pm


Friday, April 20, 2007

Sleeping Habits

So there I was, on the bed, stoning. Terribly mind fucked from opening night. It was a hodgepodge of emotions inside me. A mixture of excitement and glee (I thought we had a rather awesome opening night!), coupled with the stress of a production - It's all just rather overwhelming.

I scanned the room. Oh, the room!!! Utter mess! Been neglecting it quite a bit. Clothes, bags, books, pieces of paper strewn all over the place. Need to clean. But nah, too tired. Another time. Soon.

Gonna crash as soon as my hair dries. Hairdryer? The heat ruins my hair. Makes it dry and brittle.

The aircon was on full blast. The rain had just stopped. Damn, can I stay in bed forever?

It wasn't long before I dozed off, only to be awaken by a call.

"Ni shui le ma?" came a male voice.

He sounded like he was trying really hard to sound... uh... seductive? God. Whatever.

"Hello, who's this?" I asked, to which he repeated his question on whether I was already sleeping.

I hung up. What a loser with nothing better to do! After like 10 seconds or so, the bastard called again.

"Sudah tidur ah?" came the same voice.

Fuck me. What's with him? His momma dropped him on his head one too many times?

"Eh, who the hell is this?" I was getting rather annoyed.

"Belum tidur kan?"

"Crazy sonofabitch," said I and hung up.

And just because I can... he called with this number * 012-486 8167.

Posted by Doreen at 9:51 am


Thursday, April 19, 2007

We're Open!

"I have butterflies in my stomach..." said Rachel during warm-ups yesterday.

"Butterflies? I have dragons in mine!" said Brana, then miming a dragon clawing out of his stomach. Needless to say, eventhough last night was merely a Preview, most of us had the "I-need-to-shit-feeling".

I don't know how I did last night, but I know left KLPAC in rather high spirits. Notes from Director yet to be given to us. Today perhaps. People laughed when I did my monologue, but because it is already a comical setting to begin with, I can't really say that they laughed because I kicked ass.

Scary as it was, I had a blast. An absolute blast! The jitters that engulfed my senses disappeared as soon as I emerged from back stage. At one point, during the monologue, I even managed a quickie-mind-detour which made me realize that I was having fun on stage. Heh, I don’t think I should be doing a mind-detour when I’m performing… Cos you tend to lose focus right? Oh well.

It's 5.5 hours before curtains go up for our official opening tonight.

To the Director - I hope we live up to your expectations. To the Stage Manager and Asst. Stage Manager - we promise to be good backstage. To the tech boys - We love you long long time. To the writers - I hope we deliver what you want to convey. To fellow cast members - Let's go kick some ass and screw some minds. To you - audience and audience to be - We have worked hard for it, and we hope you'll enjoy the show.


Visit Misteria Lane!

Posted by Doreen at 12:35 pm


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Icy Butt

My butt came into contact with the icy cold ceramic bowl this morning, and the shock jolted me to my senses.


That's right - toilet seat is gone.

"Leave all your props in the dressing room!"
said the Stage Manager, when we wrapped up rehearsals past 1:00am last night.

It was a long night for us all. Oh, what the hell. Preview show tonight, and all we need to do now is to set our focus on delivering a good show - which we damn sure will! *ducks to avoid bitch-slaps from fellow cast members*

So... are you coming to get Screwed with us?

I mean, at least I know sacrificing my toilet seat will be worth it if you come, enjoyed the show and then tell me you love me.

PS: I'm having that funny tummy ache again.


Visit Misteria Lane!

Posted by Doreen at 3:02 pm


Monday, April 16, 2007


Parents are not stupid. Well, at least my parents aren't.

They probably know that I am still smoking, but just gave up lecturing me now. They were dead against it years ago, when they found the pack of Marlboro in my bag. Health reasons obviously topped the reasons of why I shouldn't be smoking. Second would be tradition - girls and smoking - what family would want you now? And finally, the fact that I'm using their money to support my addiction.

I told them I'd quit. Maybe they believed I quit. Maybe not. But whatever it is, they should believe that I am old enough to decide whether or not I want to infuse my lungs with black gooey substance. And plus, I'm burning my own money now.

When I go home, I don't smoke. Each trip back home usually lasts at least 3-4 days, and I'd go without nicotine. The withdrawals? Hell yeah! My nose leaks like a faucet and I'm sleepy all the time. By the second day, I'm usually good. Which makes me think that I really ought to quit. If my withdrawals only last 2 days, it shouldn't be too hard. Yeah, I really should.

I'm making a big detour. Back to my original plot - Smoking is one example. Sex is another.

Mom and Dad know that me and the boyfriend are partially living together, and I'm pretty damn sure they know that abstinence is not something we practice. I mean, I don't literally spell it out to them that me and the boyfriend share a room, but from the things I tell them, they are able to paint their own picture and thus draw their own conclusions. See? They are smart like that.

I know, I know. The whole issue of tradition and religion and how sex should be sacred and not something to be taken lightly. I'm not saying that sex before marriage is good or bad. I'm saying it's a personal choice.

But my parents are cool you see. I don't spell it out, so they play smart as well. They know they can't stop what we do outside, but the least I can do is to make sure I take good care of myself. But just because they know that I'm doing the horizontal tango with the boyfriend don't mean I leave boxes of contraceptive pills lying around where they might find it. We also don't chat about condoms and me gushing about how I prefer them studded. Nor do I show up at their doorstep with a huge hickey on my neck. And one day, if the boyfriend were to travel with me back to visit my parents, I'd see that he sleeps in the guest room of our house.

Here I stop. I read and re-read what I've written above and I want a conclusion. But I can't seem to put to words what I really want to say as a conclusion, or what is the point of this whole entry.

Can I say that my actions are such merely out of respect for them, for the boundaries they have set?


Visit Misteria Lane!

Posted by Doreen at 4:35 pm


Thursday, April 12, 2007

Radio Talk

Heard on radio.

A commercial came on, advertising the Courts Mammoth Great Sale, which was followed by the half-hourly traffic report.

Highlight of the traffic report was about the congestion caused by an accident, a multiple car pile-up, right outside Courts Mammoth (exact location of branch I don't remember).

Funny right? Tee hee hee.


Visit Misteria Lane!

Posted by Doreen at 2:41 pm


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Blog in a Network

I signed up with CJCMedia Network recently, and thus, the birth of Misteria Lane, another site where I'll be posting from on a regular basis.

Now I feel like a mother. With 2 children. And I promise to love both of them equally.

CJCMedia is basically a blog network brought about by this guy here.

CJCMedia Network is Malaysia’s premier blog network. We intend to be a prominent blog network in Malaysia. Our aim is to establish a network of Malaysian and international bloggers, who are interested in getting their voices heard over the blogosphere and the internet world. We help men and women establish their online presence by providing technical and infrastructure support.

If you are passionate about writing online and would like to explore how we can partner to pursue your interests, check out how you can apply to write and be a part of the network!

Do check it out :)

This Other Eden will remain active, and will journal my ramblings about everything and nothing. Misteria Lane will solely be a blog with a niche category, specifically on relationships. There will be no copy / pasting from one to the other, that I can assure you :)


Posted by Doreen at 2:51 pm


Friday, April 06, 2007


I'm a late bloomer. That's what my friends tell me.

But I'm getting there.

While university mates and peers job hop frequently, I merely eye them in envy as their paycheck takes another major leap, while mine is a slow and steady increase.

It's been almost 5 years since I graduated and returned to Malaysia. And well, almost 5 years since I'm on this job. I was 21. Armed with tertiary education, I thought the world was mine. Then I found out that there were so many unemployed graduates out there, all vying for the same job. I still remember my interview and subsequently my first day at work, vividly. It was rather scary, but at the same time, mighty thrilling.

How the years have passed.

How I've changed.

How I've learnt.

How I've experienced.

It's been one helluva ride!

There were times when I cried, when stress and pressure from work mounted. I'd usually cry at night when I'm in bed, nestled in bed, pillows over my face so I can bawl my eyes out without waking the rest of the house. Sometimes I'd call mom from the office and rant and cry (out of sight and earshot of course), and she'd say nice, soothing words, and I could almost always feel myself resting on her bosom, with her arms around me. Mothers are such gem.

On most days, I'm one happy girl going about her tasks at work. Sure, you might have heard me bitch about certain things, but hey, who doesn't bitch right? I guess me actually enjoying what I do has helped a lot. I've laughed plenty over the years here. I've met some great, great people who will be lifelong friends.

I remembered the first event I managed. I went 36 hours without a wink of sleep, and eventually collapsed under the stage for a quick cat nap. At the end of the 2-day event, I couldn't feel my legs.

I remembered a presentation I delivered to a group of about 30 top guns from various private education institutions, and my CEO who was also present during that presentation, gave me a pat on my back and commended me for the excellent presentation / public speaking skills.

I remembered the "dark" period of a few months, when I was under this Manager... who made me feel insignificant, small and useless. Thank God I was transferred soon after.

I remembered one event where the backdrop collapsed and it was about 3 hours before guests started arriving. The prop-maker tasted the wrath of our fury.

I remembered the late night at the studio, filming a TVC with a a Taiwanese teeny-bopper, and it was so cold that my nails turned blue. We stuffed our faces with Ramly burger after that.

I remembered the promotion which was, I felt, long overdue. But they surprised me with a Managerial position instead of the Assistant Manager designation.

I remembered slamming the door in someone's face once. He was a pain in the butt, arrogant, bossy (when I do not even report to him!) and worse of all - pockmarked. He lodged a complain against me, and HR gave me a warning. Remorse? You gotta be kidding me. That bastard deserved it.

I remembered spending many hours brooding over whether I'll been a good manager to my colleagues at work. Will I stand up for them? Will I try and help them when they have a problem? Will I try and teach them all I can and guide them in their works? Will I be fair? Will I be wise? And most importantly - to me at least - will I be their friend and not boss over them in a way they would not like?

I remembered the proud feeling of achievement every single time we wrap up an event. Feet aching, backs sore, eyes half-closed, and brain drained. But still feeling damn proud of ourselves.

I remembered the horrible people I've met along the way, and how I constantly remind myself to not be like them.

I remembered office politics, and witnessing the rise and fall of people.

5 years. I remember a lot.

But the time has come. It took me a long time to act upon it. It took me a long time to gather my courage to hand the letter to my boss. But I did. Glad I did.

It will be my first ever job hop. At 26. Now you see why they call me a late bloomer? And because it's my first change, I kinda feel it's gonna be like first day at work all over again. First day 5 years ago.

But it's time.


Posted by Doreen at 1:18 pm


Monday, April 02, 2007

Face Screwed

The Oral Stage enters its fourth season with an all-new line-up of original shorts and monologues, a contemporary take on the timeless issues of identity, gender, relationships, meaning and purpose. Screwed reinforces the fact that being human is nothing short of being screwed, after all.

This season’s ensemble stars Waimin Lee, Emily Yoon, Doreen Loo, Gary Ooi, Branavan Aruljothi, Christine Ellis, Prakash Gopalakrishnan, Lam Wai Yee, Batsheba Zlikha Arsalan, Erin Victor, Nick Davis, Rachel Lai MS and Elza Irdalynna. Directed by Kelvin Wong and produced by Christine Ellis.

Pieces written by Joyce Hooi, Gary Ooi, Davina Goh, Priya K., Gavin Yap, Patricia Low, Doreen Loo, Kelvin Wong and Rauf Fadzilla.

Supported by The Dram Projects, KLPac and The Actors Studio.

Pentas 2
The Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre (KLPac)
Sentul Park, Jalan Strachan
51100 Kuala Lumpur
April 19th – 22nd 2007 @ 8.30 pm
with additional shows on
April 21st – 22nd 2007 @ 3.00 pm

Tickets (includes handling fee) @ KLPac
RM27 (Adults)
RM17 (Students, senior citizens & the disabled)

The Actors Studio Greenhall, Penang
Ground Floor, Zhong Zheng School Memorial Centre
32, Lebuh Light, 10200 Penang
May 4th 2007 @ 8.30 pm
May 5th 2007 @ 3.00 pm & 8.30 pm
May 6th 2007 @ 3.00 pm

Tickets @ TAS Greenhall, Penang
RM25 (Adults)
RM15 (Students, senior citizens & the disabled)

Ticket Contact
KLPac @ 03-40479000
TAS Greenhall @ 04-2635400

Posted by Doreen at 9:00 am